dilemma

Im so confused.
            So lately I have been stuck between two guys. I have my boyfriend chuchu(nickname) and i have my guy best friend eded(nickname also). i want both but I know i cant have both...
             I met chuchu in my freshmen studies class. he was the weird kid that sat   in front it was 5 of us in a little group in the corner of the class.  hes friend vivi  liked me but he had a girlfriend so i wasnt so worried. I had my friend brybry sitting in front of me and he was cool. he was a normal football player lol. then i had selsel who always smoked and drank in class lol. then there was chuchu. he was the guy that would cut himself and do weird things. he told us that he had a girlfriend who was an 8th grader and in my head i was like how can a girl get with you your so weird and ugly. (i know i shouldnt criticize people but i mean he was just weird). anyways. then sophomore came along and we started getting closer. i got with a guy named erer and I thought he was the sweetiest guy ever. but i realized i was gaining feelings for chuchu. but he also had a gf so it was perfect we both someone. i ddnt feel so bad. then i ended it with erer and i made chuchu wait about a week because when he broke up with his gf she started crying so i felt bad if i just got with him. anyways on Feburary 3, 2012 he asked me to be his gf and i said yes. I was so happy. we lasted four months till the day came and he ended it. i was so devasted because i actually thought we were going to last. a day after he broke up with me he got with another girl. it didnt hurt me so bad because she wasnt that pretty. anyways i was offically over him and i was happy that i was single and it was summer. one day randomly he texted me saying that i need to get over him. i tried to explain to him that i was over him  i was happier without him. then he tried getting with my bestfriend/sister. they were so much like eachother it was scary but she said no because he was x and true friends dont do that. so once he said no he came back to me and we started talking. on July 30,2012 i asked him to come with me to the mall with a couple of friends and he said yes and he came. that day he asked me to be his gf again and like a dumbass i went back. we kept the same date and we lasted 1 years with out breaking up. when our 2nd year along it wasnt so much happiness anymore. we had more argument than agreements. i convinced myself that i wasnt happy anymore so a couple of days before valentines day i eneded it with him. at first i was so sad because i had eded but when i went to school i was devasted seeing him with another girl. just as friends. so on valentines i just stayed in my room and just watched movies instead of going out or something. that same day his mom texted me saying if i knew where he was because it was late at night and he wasnt back yet. so i texted everyone i knew that was probably with him but instead at like aroun 8 his mom texted me saying that he just got hom i was relived. then he calls me and tells where he was and that he was sorry for making me worried. After he hung up he texted me saying the three words i hate people say.."i miss you" i just wanted to regret everything and go back to him. on February 15, 2014 we went to a family party and we went to my car to drop off some stuff and it was just perfect. He shut the door to the car and he just grabbed my face and started kissing him. i felt like crying because i thought i lost him. we just talked to eachother all lovy dovy<33 then i broke up with him again a couple of weeks back because i was thinking what was going to happen after highschool. he wasnt going to support me to go far so i was like i dont need this. Then on March 28,2014 another event happened that we got back. during 4th period he texted me saying that i should go buy him a soda and being the nice person i am i did. i stayed there for a while because my friends roro and shsh were there and i felt like i was distant from them. while i was there he kept touching my hand or trying to find every excuse for me to talk to him. i tried being distant. so i stayed during 5th and while i was callin my dad i went to go be alone because i needed time to think what i wanted. so while i was alone hecame with me and i told him how i liked the names sophia and violet and he said" I thought WE were going to name it  ysteb. i was like"WE? theres nomore WE?" and he was telling me that if he asked me would i go back. me being the girl blind in love i said yes. so while 6th period i asked to go to the restroom and we met up and he asked me.. Im so stupid to go back because i realize now that im not as happy...
         So going into the story with eded... okay i met him my sophmore year.. my friend inin was with his bestfriend hoho.. I went to go talk to my friend inin and thats how we started talking. i never knew he liked till one day i liked his status on facebook and he told me that he had a crush on me but i was with chuchu. so then we had that friendship that we wouldnt talk for a while and then wen we did talk we would text like a couple days then go back to not talking till i liked one of his statuses again. so junior year came along and he posted a staus of like my status and i will confess something. so me being a chismosa i liked it lol. and he told me that he still liked me... i was surpurised that through 2 years he still liked me even though he got with someone else. so senior year came alone..(sigh) this is where my heart and mind gets so confused...so i thought if i talk to him more i will get to close to him and i will actually make really good friends.. but instead of making good friends i developed feelings for him and i thought he was super cute. so we would skype every night and jusst make eachother laugh. it was perfect he is perfect. on our winter break he biked it to my house on a monday and we just went on a walk together it was perfect even though it was cold. tht same week he came over again and we layed in my bed and it was perfect i thought to myself "thts what i wanna see every time i wake up" then the next day he came over again and we cleaned out my closest and while we were cleaning we were listening to music and we would stop and dance lol. it was perfect. i gained so much feelings for him its not even funny. then on the week of valentines day i broke up with my bf to be with him because i knew he could make me happy and not like chuchu. so on valentines i was so depressed that i ended the realtionship with him. i regertted it after. then the second time i ended it with chuchu a couple of days later he asked me to be his gf again and i accepted i was so happy bcause there was no doubt in my mind that i wanted to be with him. he makes the effort to go to my house my parents like him and hes just perfect. but then on wendesday March 28,2014 the day we were suppossed to hang out during lunch  i went with my x and stayed there. i regret doing that because if i didnt do that i would be a happy camper now and not have lost the guy that actually made me happy even though i wasnt with him.. i lost him now and i hate myself for tht. now he doesnt even text me everyday as we used to. i kissed him today and it felt like he wanted that to happen but he text me saying that he couldnt go back to the old us... i hurt and i feel horrible about it. i just wish i wasnt so stupid nd actually followed my friends and teachers advice. but i was the dumb one and lost a really good guy/friend to a dumb asshole that doestn appreciate what he has.